2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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