I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
