You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
