and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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