We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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