I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
