3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This is not my ceiling
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
