11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
