I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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