***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
