I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
