Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
