I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
