I wish my penis had an off switch
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love having hate sex.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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