Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
