I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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