It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
