I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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