Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
