You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
