When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
