i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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