I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
