she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
