i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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