Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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