If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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