im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
