I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
