My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
