She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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