Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just threw up on my dentist
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
