So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
