Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
