He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
