Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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