her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
