Me. At least after what I've been through.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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