hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
