Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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