How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
