I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
