OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
