Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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