I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
