you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
