Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
