I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
