Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The Olympian is in my bed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
