Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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