Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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