I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
