God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
